· Review sentence for use of “like” and “as”, for wordiness caused by determiners and modifiers, and for interrupters.
o The option to use surgery is a risky one and must also be used only after meeting some requirements, so you’re just not allowed to go and have the surgery done like[R1] it’s some sort of [R2] “cure all” because [R3] after all [R4] it is a surgery. [R5]
· Review this sentence for split infinitives and for wordiness caused by determiners and modifiers
o So there still is some sort of [R6] self-control that has to be rendered in order to even[R7] get to the point of surgery, but surgery is still something that has to take place in the case of obesity.
[R1]Ensure you have properly used “like” in your sentence. Because the word is connecting two clauses, consider changing “like” to “as”. The confusion in using “like” or “as” is caused by a lack of understanding of the word’s role. “Like” is used as a preposition, telling where, when or how the noun in the sentence is doing whatever it may be doing. “As” is used like a conjunction, joining two clauses. A general rule-of-thumb is that “like” should be followed by an object (to make a prepositional phrase), and “as” should be followed by a clause containing a verb. Frequently, “as” can be replaced by “the way”. Incorrect: No one makes chocolate cake like my mother does.
Because there is a verb after “like”, the conjunction “as” should be used. Here, “as” can be replaced by “the way”: No one makes chocolate cake the way my mother does. Correct: No one makes chocolate cake as my mother does. Incorrect: He can’t play cricket like he used to.
At first glance, there appears to be no verb after “like”. However, when speaking, we often leave out verbs which are already implied. The implied verb is “play”, as in “he used to play cricket”. “Like” should be changed to “as”. Correct: He can’t play cricket as he used to before he got old.
The verb “used to play” is also implied here, so “as” is correct.
[R2]wordiness caused by determiners and modifiers. (see below)
[R3]comma before “because” – this was my addition. This is how I used to grade the papers, not much in the way of explanations.
[R4]The interrupter “after all” may be better emphasized by the use of commas. Consider separating your interrupter from the rest of the sentence by the use of commas. Interrupters occur between sentences or parts of sentences. Some “interrupters” are conjunctive adverbs, such as "however" , "moreover", " unfortunately", and transitional expressions, like "for example", "in fact", "to say the least", "generally speaking", "in other words". When we use an “interrupter” at the beginning of the sentence or in the middle of the sentence, it should be emphasized with commas. When a interrupter appears between independent clauses in a compound sentence, it is preceded by a semi-colon and is usually followed by a comma. Incorrect: Queen Victoria was as they say a formidable woman.
The interrupter “as they say” should have a comma before and after it to emphasize its separation from the rest of the sentence. Incorrect: Having demonstrated a decided lack of ethics, the CEO was needless to say dismissed from the company.
The interrupter “needless to say” should have a comma before and after it.
[R5]The determiner or modifier, “sort of”, is potentially unnecessary. Please ensure this word is required in your sentence. Determiners and modifiers are required when making a specific point, but we often use them when they are not required, which makes for incoherent writing. Clearly identify the determiners and modifiers in your work, and remove the unnecessary ones. Look for words like “basically”, “sort of”, “actually”, and “really”. Incorrect: At each place setting, there were individual name cards and personalized napkins.
As it has already been stated the cards and napkins are at “each place setting”, the word “individual” is unnecessary. Incorrect: For all intents and purposes, I kind of wanted to take the day off work.
Rephrasing this sentence as “I wanted to take the day off work” is a more effective way of communicating. Exceptions:
Correct: For all intents and purposes, she is a kind woman; her appearance makes people think otherwise.
Determiners and modifiers do have their uses. In this sentence, “for all intents and purposes” creates the conditional tone desired. As well, should you care to lend a formal or passive tone to your writing, wordiness may be an acceptable method of doing so.
[R6]The determiner or modifier, “sort of”, is potentially unnecessary. Please ensure this word is required in your sentence. Determiners and modifiers are required when making a specific point, but we often use them when they are not required, which makes for incoherent writing. Clearly identify the determiners and modifiers in your work, and remove the unnecessary ones. Look for words like “basically”, “sort of”, “actually”, and “really”. Incorrect: At each place setting, there were individual name cards and personalized napkins.
As it has already been stated the cards and napkins are at “each place setting”, the word “individual” is unnecessary. Incorrect: For all intents and purposes, I kind of wanted to take the day off work.
Rephrasing this sentence as “I wanted to take the day off work” is a more effective way of communicating. Exceptions:
Correct: For all intents and purposes, she is a kind woman; her appearance makes people think otherwise.
Determiners and modifiers do have their uses. In this sentence, “for all intents and purposes” creates the conditional tone desired. As well, should you care to lend a formal or passive tone to your writing, wordiness may be an acceptable method of doing so.
[R7]The infinitive verb “to ” has been split by the modifier “even”. Please ensure the split infinitive does not confuse the meaning or flow of your sentence. If a word or phrase appears between the parts of the infinitive (the to and the verb), the awkwardness or misinterpretation of a sentence occurs. An infinitive verb, which is a verb preceded by the word “to” (e.g. “to do”, “to see”), should not be spliced. Modifiers generally should be placed before the verb. Incorrect: I wanted to very much see the new documentary on Iraq.
The infinitive verb “to see” has been separated by phrase “very much”. The sentence could be written, “I wanted, very much, to see the new documentary on Iraq.” Incorrect: The old woman instructed the teenagers to never set foot on her grass again.
The infinitive verb “to set foot” has been separated by adverb “never”. The sentence could be written “The old woman instructed the teenagers never to set foot on her grass again.”
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